Is love the same to everybody? Do we all feel, express and give love in the same way? What makes some couples different from other couples? Why are some couples always hugging and kissing, while other couples take a hike to the Hollywood sign, or buy expensive gifts for each other? Let’s hunt for answers, as we ever seek to better our relationships in this space. Love languages come into play almost every day in our relationships. When we understand how we give and feel love, we can love better. Here are 9 Journal prompts or questions to help you find your unique loving style aka love language.
Love is a tricky thing, I’m sure you’d agree. Jack buys an elegant wristwatch for Nina, only to find her complaining that they never spend enough time together. Anna plans a day full of activities on their day off, only to hear Sam say “Or, we hang out on the couch, cuddle and watch a movie!”
What makes some couples different from other couples? Why are some couples always hugging and kissing, while other couples take a hike to the Hollywood sign, or buy expensive gifts for each other?
This is where love languages come in.
We all have a unique style of giving love to others and feeling loved by them in return. Love languages come into play almost every day in our relationship with others, and even ourselves. When we understand how we give and feel love, we can love better.
What exactly are love languages?
In 1992, a book about love languages was written. Though a new concept at the time, this book quickly became renowned and it continues to help many people understand their patterns of love even today. Before his book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, Gary Chapman Ph.D. was a counselor for couples. After years of his counseling practice, he recognized a similar pattern in the way his clients would love each other, and even how they were unable to fulfill each other’s needs. And the rest is history-
The concept of love languages outlines five general and pretty much universal ways in which romantic partners express and experience love in their relationship.
The five love languages are:
1. Words of affirmation
People with words of affirmation as a love language value verbal acknowledgments of affection, including frequent “I love you’s,” compliments, words of appreciation, verbal encouragement, and often frequent digital communication like texting and social media engagement.
“Written and spoken shows of affection matter the most to these people,” couples’ psychotherapist Fariha Mahmud-Syed, MFT, CFLE, tells mbg. “These expressions make them feel understood and appreciated.”
via What Are The 5 Love Languages? Everything You Need To Know
2. Acts of service
If your love language is acts of service, you value when your partner goes out of their way to make your life easier. It’s things like bringing you soup when you’re sick, making your coffee for you in the morning, or picking up your dry cleaning for you when you’ve had a busy day at work.
This love language is for people who believe that actions speak louder than words.
via What Are The 5 Love Languages? Everything You Need To Know
3. Receiving gifts
People with this style recognize and value the gift-giving process: the careful reflection, the deliberate choosing of the object to represent the relationship, and the emotional benefits from receiving the present.
“People whose love language is receiving gifts enjoy being gifted something that is both physical and meaningful. The key is to give meaningful things that matter to them and reflect their values, not necessarily yours,
via What Are The 5 Love Languages? Everything You Need To Know
4. Quality time
This love language is all about giving your undivided attention to that one special person, without the distraction of television, phone screens, or any other outside interference. People with this love language have a strong desire to actively spend time with their significant other, having meaningful conversations or sharing recreational activities.
via What Are The 5 Love Languages? Everything You Need To Know
5. Physical touch.
People with physical touch as their love language feel loved when they receive physical signs of affection, including kissing, holding hands, cuddling on the couch, and sex. “People who communicate their appreciation through this language, when they consent to it, feel appreciated when they are hugged, kissed, or cuddled. They value the feeling of warmth and comfort that comes with physical touch,”
via What Are The 5 Love Languages? Everything You Need To Know
But the million dollar question really is…
What is my love language?
Here are 9 simple questions you can use to journal and get a better sense of what your love language might be.
1. What activities do you enjoy doing with your closest set of friends?
2. If you had a partner, what should he do to make you feel especially loved?
3. When do you feel the most valued by the people around you?
4. What are you most likely to treat yourself to, after a long week?
5. What does love mean to you?
6. How do you like to express your love to others?
7. Close your eyes and visualize yourself with your ideal partner. What are you both doing together? List down the activities and the mood.
8. It’s your birthday and your partner wants to make you feel absolutely on top of the world. What should he be doing?
9. What hurts you the most in a relationship? What makes you feel like your partner doesn’t love you or doesn’t care?
Woah! Deep breath
– that was a lot! So, anything come up for you yet?
It can be a bit difficult to put your finger on your love language sometimes. But it is absolutely worth the effort. When you and your partner know each other’s languages, fulfilling needs, making them feel special and loved is a breeze. Sustaining a relationship takes guts, sure. But anything we can do to make it less dramatic is welcome!!!
Still hazy? Take a Love Language quiz!
Here are some of my favorite (and user-friendly) quizzes to take.
What Love Language Do You Speak?
Gary Chapman Love Languages Quiz
Love Language Quiz: How Do You Give And Take Love?
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
Ephesians 4:2
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